Monday, October 13, 2008
Today is a rough day
I’m having a hard time today. It hit me like a ton of bricks earlier that B is moving his stuff out tomorrow. He is going to be there along with his brother and his friends taking himself away. I miss him terribly right now. I know now that things were not good for him for quite some time but I also know that there were small doses and long periods of good times. He just reminded me of some of those good times and who he is and what I am losing with a text message he sent me. Part of me wants to tell him not to do that, he has broken my heart and our vows so he doesn’t get to joke around with me anymore, he’s lost that priveledge. The other part of me wants that all back and I just want to be with him. I miss him so much. It’s all real, it’s really happening tomorrow. He has been my best friend, confidant, and so much more for 5 ½ years and I am just heartbroken today. I’ve spent a month being angry at him and going about my days letting my anger fuel me. Today my anger has fizzled and I’m just sad.