To be honest, I'm a little sad today.
The holidays are quickly approaching, or they are here. However you chose to look at it. I'm normally very into decorating, having a tree, Thanksgiving decorations, etc. I'm just not feeling it this year. The only thing I've gotten out is a little concrete turkey that sits by the front door and I've bought some fall and Christmas smelling candles.
I'm looking at my calendar for the weeks of Christmas and New Year's and dreading it. We have weird scheduling for those weeks at work. I have no idea what I'm going to do for New Years. It's never been a very special holiday and never been celebrated much.
It's just sad. With B gone his family is gone too, and my grandma is gone and our family has fallen apart. I'm trying really hard to stay positive and look at the things I do have in my life but it's such a bummer that a time of year that is normally so happy for me is so depressing. I would like to go back to the holidays of my childhood where I was oblivious of what was going on and everything was happy go lucky and all I had to worry about was if I put out cookies and milk for Santa.
In addition, the paperwork has not yet been filed. B said he would be taking care of it. In true B fashion he is taking his time. I understand that it's not an easy thing to do but he told me he would have it done by November 10th and he didn't have it done then either. I have been floating along in this life doing better on days when I don't have to think about him or what is going on. I've been trying really hard to focus on myself, which I'm wondering if will backfire on me someday when I come to another realization about what is happening with me. I emailed him last night and he replied that he would have it to me tomorrow which is too soon. I don't want it before Thanksgiving but it will need to be done soon after. I have to read through the whole document about the type of D we are filing for so that I can sign that I have read it. I have read bits and pieces but not the whole thing at once. I'm not looking forward to that. He says we don't have to go together to file it, which is really good because then I won't have to see him.
It's so weird to think that it's been almost three months since I have seen B in person or talked to him on the phone. It's weird when he was the person I talked to more than anyone every day for over 5 years. It's surreal really.
I just have to get through doing this paperwork, and filing it. Then there shouldn't be another milestone for 6 months.