Be Bold

It’s time to put it out there, I mean, it’s all about the people you know, right? And I seem to know mostly married people who also know married people. So, here it goes… I am SO ready to meet a great guy! I know there is one out there that would just get me and be totally awesome and we’d be like peas and carrots or peanut butter and jelly, or…  well you get the idea.

So, I’m putting out an APB of sorts… Give me your tired, your poor… oh wait, wrong quote… bring me your single, your affectionate, your beardy, and thoughtful men.  Bring me the ones who enjoy a good beer, or glass of wine, the ones that want to have a family and cook food together and laugh and be silly. Bring me the ones who will take me camping and build me a fire, and the ones who want to take care of this planet for our children and their children. Bring me the ones who are balanced and open-minded and have a spiritual connection to a greater being. Bring me the ones with great passion and interest and who understand my need to follow my passions and interests.

I am so ready for this. 2013 is going to be MY YEAR! I feel it in my bones, great things will happen this year! I’m in a good place in my life, I’m happy and the one thing I feel is missing is a partner… and a dog. So, if you know any great single guys that meet some or all of the above mentioned qualities please let me know! Tell your friends, and tell them to tell their friends! With your help, this can really happen. Bring it on! 

Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare. -Voltaire

Keepsakes vs. stuff??

It's been four years but we are finally cleaning out my grandma and grandpa's house so that my cousin and her husband can live there. My parents have been working hard on getting most things out and sorted and my sister and I spent a day at the house a few weeks ago and almost all day on Thanksgiving going through more stuff. It's caused me to stop and ponder the nostalgic value of things vs. it being just stuff.
I am a collector, but only of stuff that I love, or that makes me feel good, or has a memory attached to it. I love to have "my things" around me, it provides comfort and makes a cozy happy home for me. But going through Grandma's stuff you begin to wonder if there is any point in keeping it, it's just going to sit somewhere where we can look at it and say, hey, that was grandma's!
My mom and dad kept a lot of the furniture and other things that have value, whether just sentimental, historical or monetary. Eventually that stuff (however morbid it is to think about) will be passed to my sister and I, and eventually to our future generations. Will it retain it's value as it's passed down? Will my grandchildren wonder why the heck I kept a blue vase or a ceramic cow that was hers? When does it all cease to be special, when you have a houseful of stuff you can't get rid of because it belonged to someone you care about? Does it really help to keep their memory alive?
I'm somewhat torn about this because I also feel like we (society in general) have too much crap. We buy buy buy and clog up the landfills with a bunch of useless crap. Don't even get me started on black Friday and the sheer volume of shit that people buy just so they can give a gift to someone that has no sentimental value.  Wow, that was a bit of a tangent...
I'm not sure what the point of this post is... I'm just thinking outloud really. It really does make me happy to have my grandma's things around me, I just worry that maybe it's too much...

It's a puzzle.

Getting older has its benefits and its drawbacks. And for all of you “older” people out there rolling your eyes, I am by no means old but old enough to feel “older.”  One of the benefits is that you begin to know yourself better. I can actually look back at my life and see how much I have changed and grown. With this knowing of oneself you start to see what works for you and what doesn’t. One thing that I’ve noticed about myself is that while I crave organization (and all of the cool gadgets and storage containers that come with it) I am just not good at it. The weeks that I am organized and have my shiz together are the best weeks! My house is clean: I have food for real meals and clean laundry that is put away. Those weeks also tend to be the ones when I make my bed in the mornings. There really is some psychological benefit to coming home to a made bed. They are also few and far between. Last week was fabulous! This week: not so much. 

It’s a combination of factors really, that make for living an organized life. Part of it is that some people are just made that way. I am not. When it comes down to it, if I have a choice between spending another hour sewing or doing something creative over cleaning up the house, chances are I’m going to choose the former. I’m an artistic creative person, not a neatnick. One of the other factors is time. When I get busy I don’t have the time to do laundry, and meal plan and get groceries. Like last weekend, I was out of town and the day I would normally use to get those things done was unavailable. If I could have my way I’d always have Sunday’s to stay home and get those sorts of things done. But seeing as how I’m already battling being a hermit and my desire to stay home in my cocoon all day it doesn’t really work. I have places I want to go, and friends I want to see and things I want to do. I don’t know if it’s the change in season, or just a new phase of me, but I increasingly find lately that I just want to be at home, by myself. This doesn’t work well with attempting to meet someone. Unless the husband fairy is going to drop Mr. Perfect on my doorstep while I’m at home in my comfy pants, sewing.

So my conundrum is this… how does one balance being organized and keep on top of things like having food in the house and clean laundry, doing the things that feed your soul and make you feel alive and creatively nourished, and maintaining healthy relationships with friends and family? Oh, and don’t forget getting exercise!  Some weeks it works, some weeks it doesn’t. Is this just the way it’s going to be? And my goodness, I’m just me. What does one do when they have a husband and children in the mix too?  I would really like to find a way to make it all work more smoothly than it is now. If anyone has any tips or tricks to suggest for a hopelessly messy unorganized cocoon loving creative type please do share!

A Star Burnt Out to Soon

I've been in the car for two and a half hours with plenty of time to think, but no hands to write. This is verbal vomit of my thoughts, not neccesarily in any order or sense.

Yesterday I attended a celebration of life for a young woman who departed this earth too soon. I knew her, but not well. After attending the memorial service and hearing about her vibrant and full life I've turned inward to look at my own life. Memorial services have a way of forcing you to look at your life from an angle not often experienced, and sometimes you might not like what you see.
She was the younger sister of one of my most favoritesmartguys, and the sister-in-law of one of my known for my whole life sistergirlfriends. This loss was a huge blow to them, unexpected and tragic. When I heard the news I gasped outloud, and though it was mid morning and I'd already been out for a run, I got back in bed because I was so immediately sad nothing else seemed worth doing. Just over a year ago sistergirlfriend lost her dad, they are still learning how to navigate life without him so this feels like the biggest fuckyou possible.
The bright star that burnt out taught me some lessons yesterday, ones I'll continue to think about for days to come. I didn't know her that well, but always thought of her like a rare bird; something rare and unique with beautiful feathers. I was a little intimidated by her honestly. She was a free spirit. She was loud, and tattooed and everyone was drawn to her. She had fabulous hair, and a beautiful smile, and while I could never pull it off I loved her style. She was just 29  years old yet wise beyond her years.
She danced to the beat of her own drum. When her dad asked her why she liked living in Ecuador she answered by saying because the people there are happy with enough. If they have enough food to eat, a roof over their heads, a bed to sleep in and friends and family that love them, it is enough. When she would come back to the States everyone was chasing something bigger and better and nothing was ever enough. So she chose to live where life was more simple. She did what was right for her. What a smart girl.
She lived every day as though it was her last, savoring moments with loved ones and friends. She told her mom "you can sleep when you're dead" as she was dragging her out of the house for an adventure.
Circling back to myself for a minute... I got home from the service last night and sat and cried. Am I living my life to the fullest? If I die tomorrow will I regret not having lived every day like it was my last?  Should I be out and about and experiencing everything I can as often as I can? Am I living my life the right way?  I was perplexed. I fell asleep last night with many questions in my head. I woke up this morning with those same questions, and remembered something else her family had said. She lived the life that was right for her. Not the life someone else thought she should have, not the life society thought she should have, but the one she thought she should have. That provided some solace and direction. So I'm trying to figure out the right balance of living life to the fullest but in the way that is right for me. Her way of life was different than mine, but I learned from her to think about how I want to live and be remembered. I might just go out and get that new tattoo I've been thinking about... and paint my nails red.
She was a bright fiery star that brought light and warmth to everyone around her. I know her family and friends will miss her immensely.
There was much more I wanted to say, but the deep thoughts generated by driving through the night alone with Ray LaMontagne and James Taylor are now eluding me.
To sistergirlfriend and favoritesmartguy... I love you guys dearly. My heart hurts for you and I wish I could absorb some of the pain for you. I know you know... but you are always in my thoughts and only a phone call, a text or a shortish car ride away. If all else fails, try some chicken and mac&cheese. XOXOXOXO.

Please, hug the ones you love. Call those too far away to hug. Tell the people you love that you love them.